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Posts Tagged ‘something something’

Just a Thought . . . Part 3

March 14, 2012 Leave a comment

As you know, I enjoy a clever one-liner. That is why I enjoy Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg, Winston Churchill, and Alf. In my enduring endeavor to emulate emu-related alliteration, Emilio Estevez espouses ornithology. Yes, I am fully aware that makes as much sense as comparing one idea to something that is perhaps more culturally relevant (Flying V). I could continue waste your precious time, but I am consoled by the fact that you are that much closer to death. (That may or may not be an symptom of severe psychosis.)

-A co-worker of mine was selling candy bars to raise money for juvenile diabetes. That’s like selling land mines to raise money for children in Cambodia.

-You could say the tendon behind my ankle is my metaphorical Achilles’ Heel.

-Probably one thing Twitter can do that most people can’t is put billions of statements on the Internet that I don’t care about.

-I am compiling a bucket list. Think of all the things I could do with a 5-gallon bucket!

-Listening to Indian music made me hungry for Indian food. Listening to white people music made me hungry for Hamburger Helper.

-Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. Every time a car honks, a buffalo farts.

-I wrote a song you can sing along to, even if you forget the words. It’s called “Something, Something, Something”.

-Forget about real estate; I’m getting into fake estate. How would you like to see a property on Mars? Quiet neighborhood, great schools.

-Heart attack symptoms are a lot like watching politicians debate: you may want to pay attention to it, but most of the time, it’s just gas.

-Two kinds of people can’t help but be exposed: liars and flashers.

-A baby is very similar to broccoli. No one really wants it, but if you don’t want your mom to be mad at you, you’ll act like you enjoy having it.