Archive

Posts Tagged ‘indian food’

Just a Thought . . . Part 3

March 14, 2012 Leave a comment

As you know, I enjoy a clever one-liner. That is why I enjoy Steven Wright, Mitch Hedberg, Winston Churchill, and Alf. In my enduring endeavor to emulate emu-related alliteration, Emilio Estevez espouses ornithology. Yes, I am fully aware that makes as much sense as comparing one idea to something that is perhaps more culturally relevant (Flying V). I could continue waste your precious time, but I am consoled by the fact that you are that much closer to death. (That may or may not be an symptom of severe psychosis.)

-A co-worker of mine was selling candy bars to raise money for juvenile diabetes. That’s like selling land mines to raise money for children in Cambodia.

-You could say the tendon behind my ankle is my metaphorical Achilles’ Heel.

-Probably one thing Twitter can do that most people can’t is put billions of statements on the Internet that I don’t care about.

-I am compiling a bucket list. Think of all the things I could do with a 5-gallon bucket!

-Listening to Indian music made me hungry for Indian food. Listening to white people music made me hungry for Hamburger Helper.

-Every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings. Every time a car honks, a buffalo farts.

-I wrote a song you can sing along to, even if you forget the words. It’s called “Something, Something, Something”.

-Forget about real estate; I’m getting into fake estate. How would you like to see a property on Mars? Quiet neighborhood, great schools.

-Heart attack symptoms are a lot like watching politicians debate: you may want to pay attention to it, but most of the time, it’s just gas.

-Two kinds of people can’t help but be exposed: liars and flashers.

-A baby is very similar to broccoli. No one really wants it, but if you don’t want your mom to be mad at you, you’ll act like you enjoy having it.

A Source of Inspiration, Part 2

June 8, 2009 8 comments

Before you watch this, go back to the original “A Source of Inspiration” to be able to sincerely appreciate what you are about to see.

I’ve had such an overwhelming response to the first inspirational video that I couldn’t help but reach out to you, my audience, again.  In these uncertain economic, social, and vegetarian times, you can use every advantage you can get.  And, my friend, advantage is what you’re going to get here.  Some even it’s an unfair advantage, because my inspirational videos work so well.  They compare it to:

–Using steroids when training to play baseball

–Putting a nitrous oxide system in your car before a NASCAR race

–Killing everyone else’s horse before the Preakness

–Taking Gas-X before going to eat Indian food

I’ll let you decide for yourself.  Like everyone who has ever lost an eye after trying balance a knife on his nose, I say to you: “Watch this!”

I am still proud at how I can go 5 minutes, 8 seconds without blinking.  Feel free to try it at home.