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Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Celebrating Our Similarities!

February 27, 2012 1 comment

As a middle-class white male of average height and build aged 21 to 49, I spend a great deal of time appreciating diversity. While I may be a part of the main demographic that advertisers, business owners, car dealerships, WWE, talk radio, apothecaries, and Men’s Warehouse are vying for, I do respect the differences we all share.

For instance, you might be uglier than me, but I celebrate this fact! Or, you may be fatter then me… good for you! You might even have way more back hair than me; I’ll bet you brave the harsh Alaskan winter better than I do! I salute you, different person!

Today, however, I want to celebrate similarities. My wife and I were watching my nephew this evening, and I realized that babies are not so different from cats. In fact, they bear so many resemblances to one another that I dare suppose babies are nothing more than hairless cats who don’t know how to use a litter box (until you teach them)!

I would challenge any one of you to show me how babies are NOT like cats! Let the comparison begin!

WAYS CHILDREN ARE LIKE CATS, VOLUME I

1. Sleeps during waking hours, and bugs you to death while you’re trying to sleep
2. Will eat cat food
3. Instinctually does not like to wear a hat, socks, glasses, or a jockstrap
4. Convinced you are its personal attendant
5. Loves goldfish (a delicious pun!)
6. Climbs trees when chased by a dog
7. Will meow when you put it in a cage
8. Can be left at home alone up to 24 hours with a bowl of food and water
9. When cars drive by, will run into a storm drain
10. When left in a room with a box, will poop in it

I need to take a moment to assure my sister-in-law that I did not attempt all of these on her son. They came back at #7.

Cat Lovers Unite!

May 6, 2009 1 comment

In an effort to bring you more good stuff that will bring you back for more every single day, crying and begging that I post something else to fuel your desire for the silly antics of a hapless fool (me), I think I will begin seasoning this blog with some quicker posts.

As you may have heard, I have recently purchased a Flip video camera.  This should sufficiently add to the output of the Kyle Baxter Project, and require slightly less reading.

As my first posting with my brand-new Flip, I bring you my cats in action (or, more likely, my cats’ inaction).  I personally recommend sending this video to everyone in your family who likes cats.  Or, if you have any family members you don’t like who hate cats, I would suggest that you send this to them as well.  For your convenience, I will now include this link for e-mail copy-and-paste ease.

https://kylebaxter.wordpress.com/2009/05/06/cat-lovers-unite/

This video is broken into 4 chapters, and covers much of the crazy stuff my cats do all day.  Again, Louie is the big black cat, and Rocco is the midget striped cat.

Now wasn’t that fun?  I look forward to posting a ton more videos in the future.  Check back often for the latest and greatest goings-on in my life!

Up to My Elbows in Tampons

March 3, 2009 6 comments

Before we start today, I feel I should explain that I will be using a series of single italicized words to express emotion.  I hope it’s as hard-hitting and personal to you as it is to me.  Begin!

I had the great honor of being part of an ugly people convention today.  I felt like I was on the outside looking in.  Surreal.  Ill-fitting t-shirts were everywhere.  I wish I had broken out my phone so I could truly express to you how truly “unique” everyone was.  I’m not trying to sound immodest here, but I’m almost certain that I was the best-looking person in the entire building.

“What kind of event was it?  I must know, because I want to live my boring old life through you.  You help me get through the day,” you may be saying out loud right now to your computer, as you beg for more details.  Delusional. Well, I will tell you that I was helping a business set up a new store in the United States (contiguous).  I have never felt so dumb in my entire life.  It was like my first day of college all over again.

I walked through the doors, and the noise from a bustling crowd of people greeted my ears.  They were all here for the same purpose as I was.  I had never been involved in this type of thing, and they all obviously had.  As soon as the crowd split into groups, they all began feverishly working.  I wandered around for a few minutes until a kind soul basically asked me if I had any idea what was going on.  I followed that person like a lost puppy to the area in which I was to begin setup.  Because I was the last person to claim a section, I received the section no one else wants, ever.  Feminine Hygiene.  Awkward.

Not to drift too far off-topic, but there are approximately a gazillion different kinds of feminine hygiene products.  How can women reasonably send a husband to the store at that time, and expect him to come home with the right product?  Insane.  “Oh, it’s the one in the blue package,” she says.  So are 5,000 others.  He’d be just as likely to find the right product if he were to walk into that aisle blindfolded (with a baby duck in his hand), wildly flailing until a box, package, carton, or envelope of “health care needs” falls into his hands.  God help him if he’s going to make a phone call in front of the shopping public and ask the proper questions out loud to determine what he needs to buy.  Therefore, he will guess, and it will be wrong.  And the baby duck will likely be scared from being in a public place.  It’s a lose-lose situation.

Back to the story.  Pointless.  I struggled with this section for 8 hours before finally retiring for the day.  Before today, the following words and phrases didn’t have any meaning to me in and of themselves.  Now, I can’t get them out of my head.  They swirl about every time I close my eyes.

–Regular
–Super Plus
–With Wings
–Ultra Thin
–Absorbency
–Monistat 7

All of these words now strike fear into my heart.  I dare not go back to that place tomorrow, lest these words drive me over the cliff of insanity.  Clowns.  I do, however, recommend that every husband go through what I did today.  It’s a great lesson to learn, and I feel very knowledgeable about this subject now.  Perhaps too knowledgeable.  I learned more this morning than I really wanted to.

I do, however, have an even greater respect for women.  With as many different combinations of attributes there are available for such products, I imagine it would be hard to find the product that works best.  Was I non-specific enough?  I’m trying to be as inoffensive as possible here, but also trying to retain the humor inherent in such topics.  I can hardly say the word “tampon” without breaking into girlish laughter.  I don’t know how people who market . . . such things . . . can do so without giggling all the time.  Childish.

I feel like I’m forgetting something.  Let’s see . . . as is my custom, I included a list (so my posts appear longer).  Check.  Ah, yes.  I have to talk about cats!  How silly of me!  I can’t believe I would be so irresponsible.  This is called “Kittens Inspired by Kittens”.  I did not make this video, but I do have an appreciation for it.  Watch this video with pride by clicking HERE.  I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did.  Tampons.

Tee-hee