. . . And Now For Something Political

I’ve made it this far without taking sides.  I try my best not to be political, as you, the reader, need not peer inside the twisted psyche of a borderline sociopathic maniac.  However, there is such a disturbing trend in this country that has been going on for far too long, and I wish someone would step up and eradicate this threat forever.  I’m of course speaking of:

Skinny Jeans

Who decided skinny jeans were a good idea?  It’s as if your body is trying to say, “Look how simultaneously skinny my ankles are, yet how fit for birthing my hips are!”  Even skinny people don’t look good in skinny jeans.  I’ll bet some fashion designer with a hyphenated last name (such as Pierre Jean-Claude or Ryan Sea-Crest) was just trying to save money on fabric in these tough economic times, so he designed jeans half a leg wide.  He’s laughing at you right now, in fact, because you’re paying more for less.  Congratulations.  He’s chortling ceaselessly while he’s laying in a bathtub full of gold doubloons, smoking cigars lit with $100,000 bills.

And ladies, if your feet are above about a size 2, these skinny jeans will give the world the impression that your feet are actually skis.  Though if you happen by chance to be wearing flip-flops and are being pulled at a high velocity by boat, you very well could ski, if my theory holds true.

Let’s review:

Conclusion: NO.  BAD.

The only way this can get worse is wearing a loose-fitting shirt with these fashion abominations.  Imagine it: a baggy, “trendy” shirt over some ill-conceived skinny jeans.  Seriously think about it for a second.   Given the proportions of the clothing, how would that person’s physique appear under the clothes?  Did the person you imagined look like this?

Don’t even get me started on masks.  Those are so 1926.

I refuse to hear any argument in favor of skinny jeans.  They’re more unflattering than Don Rickles.  *rimshot* (If you were born after 1970, you probably didn’t get that last one.)

Finally, as bad as skinny jeans are, they are made exponentially worse with the addition of excess weight.  Here is what I thought of when I heard the phrase, “big girl, skinny jeans”:

You can disregard that caption, please.  It doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless you say it in a really sarcastic way.

I can’t even begin to explain to you the utter distaste I have for skinny jeans, yet I see women (and God help us, sometimes very confused teenage boys) everywhere in public shaming their wardrobe with such disregard with them.  I wish they would go out of fashion already.  Okay, I’m done.

Opposing View

As with any good political commentary, I would like to include the opposite point of view, this time in support of skinny jeans.

Nope, can’t do it.  They’re stupid.

Discussion?

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