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Who Needs Auto-Tune?

If you looked at me, you’d probably say, “I’ll bet you have a lovely singing voice, and you are more handsome than most men.”  And you’d be right to take that bet, my friend.  You could be rich, in fact!  Filthy, stinking rich, and no one would be able to stop you from oppressing the poor or throwing sour milk onto orphans!  I don’t have that kind of money yet, and that’s why the police took the orphans’ word over mine.

Are there really still such places as orphanages?  And if so, do they still serve porridge?  Exactly what IS porridge, anyway?  I always imagined it to be like Malt-O-Meal, but maybe a little lumpier.  Still, that M-O-M is some good breakfast eats.  You don’t really hear about Malt-O-Meal any more, either.  It got a bad reputation after all those kids went blind.  Oatmeal’s really making a comeback though, right?  They’re putting oatmeal in everything nowadays!  Why, just the other day, I say oatmeal in a small individual pouch within a box for sale at the grocery store.  So maybe not “everything”, but at least boxes (and pouches).

Speaking of oatmeal, let’s talk about this lovely singing voice of mine.  It’s really very nice.  And melodic.

Also, you may have heard about a recent controversy surrounding something called “Auto-Tune”.  It’s my understanding that “Auto-Tune” is a product, machine, or mythological creature that processes a singer’s voice, and removes the pitch inconsistencies.  Some people (“idiots”) think this ruins the true artistic feel and quality of music affected by Auto-Tune.  I personally don’t care, so I’m going to leave the topic alone entirely.  I’m not really sure why I even mentioned it in the title of this post.  To satisfy your cravings for tasteless humor and my depressing brand of self-deprecating humor, here’s a video.  At least it has to do with singing.  Enjoy!

I hope you made it all the way from the humble beginning to the big surprise finish.  Now, just for kicks, I’m going to throw in a few popular search terms to try and boost my blog’s hits a little.  Pardon me.

Miley Cyrus pregnant

Explosive, pus-oozing sores

Billy Ray Cyrus pregnant

Doug Flutie, and by extension, Flutie Flakes

kittens+rainbows+explosive, pus-oozing sores

Cyrus, King of Persia pregnant

Kelly Clarkson+ate+a whole stick of butter

  1. Molly
    July 29, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    that’s hilarious! i was even taking the video and i still laughed when i watched this.

    • kylebaxter
      July 29, 2009 at 5:15 pm

      Thanks, Molly! You caught the perfect essence of the moment!

  2. Brand
    July 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I havent laughed like that in awhile. What was funnier was the way Babe (Zekes dog) reacted. I do have it on video and will show it you you

  3. July 31, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    OH. My.

  4. Nicole
    August 3, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    I’m not even sure what to say to that. Even though I’m vegan, I thought “The Slaughterhouse” was funny! lol Well, now I know what goes on behind closed doors.

  5. Kenny
    August 3, 2009 at 11:59 pm

    I cannot for the life of me figure out why i watched all five minutes of that marvelous video. I wanted to tear out me ear drums and feed them to a cat.
    Also… I _<

    lolz! (It was actually quite funny.)

  6. Phil
    January 2, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    Very funny. I think my favorite part was the Slaughterhouse. That was awesome.

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