Home > Video Posts > The Competitive Nature of Men

The Competitive Nature of Men

Guys, let’s be honest with ourselves.  The reason we most often get into pointless competitions is because we are bored.  Do you think games like Twister and football (real football, known to Americans as “those funny men in shorts running for 90 minutes”, or soccer), were devised in a laboratory filled to the rafters with Rhodes Scholars?  No way!  These types of games were invented by guys sitting around their living room while they were bored/drunk.  The rules came later.  The real point of creating these games was competition.

It doesn’t matter WHAT you use to compete (Frisbees, Mountain Dew, or a Plinko chip), just that there will be a winner and a loser.

That being said, James (my brother-in-law) found ourselves engrossed in competition this evening.  What would our medium be?

Dominoes?  Of course not; don’t be silly.

Jacks?  No, but you’re getting warmer.

Lawn Darts?  Colder.

Marbles?  Judges? . . . I’m sorry, we can’t accept that answer.

Screaming?  Bingo!

We had a thigh-slappin’, good ol’ fashioned scream-off!  At 10:00 PM, there’s no better way to have the neighbors include the police in your night than to let out blood-curdling wails in succession.

In retrospect, I’ve also discovered there’s no quicker way than a scream-off to get your wife to roll her eyes and leave the room.  Sheesh . . . women just don’t understand competition.

The most important aspect of a scream-off is the technique you use.  It’s not simply “who can scream louder” (though it helps); control, pitch, and frequency are paramount to screaming.  A well-pitched medium-volume scream can defeat an eardrum-shattering off-key shriek any day of the week (except Thursdays).  Every scream has its own particular sound, and therefore holds a special place in my heart.

Enough talk!  Here’s actual footage of our scream-off:

As you can well see, the effect of competition on women is that it pushes them out of the vicinity.  And, if you listen very closely, you can hear feminine objections to the game itself.  I recommend turning the volume on your computer WAY UP so you can feel the atmosphere on a scream-off.  I bid you farewell.

  1. Mr. Easy Living
    May 11, 2009 at 7:18 am

    NICE!! I new James would win. Sorry Kyle. BTW, where is this uncontrollable facial hair you keep mentioning?

    • kylebaxter
      May 11, 2009 at 9:15 am

      The untamed facial hair is on my . . . well . . . face. Just wait until you see it this weekend.

  2. Brand
    May 11, 2009 at 9:12 am

    i love how you looked directly at the camera with those beady eyes during sirens song.

    • kylebaxter
      May 11, 2009 at 9:14 am

      Thank you for referring to the scream by it’s proper name. I wanted it to pierce your soul.

  3. Brie Wells
    May 11, 2009 at 9:15 am

    That may be the first time I have ever seen Emily not smile in four years!

    • kylebaxter
      May 11, 2009 at 9:24 am

      I know! It’s hilarious.

  4. Mr. Easy Living
    May 11, 2009 at 9:25 am

    I nominate the President of the Fan Club to be the next contender of the Scream-off!!

    • kylebaxter
      May 11, 2009 at 9:32 am

      Awaiting President Koppang’s response . . .

  5. Mr. President
    May 11, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    I will Mr. Galbraith pick the time and date. He is tough competition!

    He spent years screaming at Sheep in NZ!

  6. Mr. Easy Living
    May 11, 2009 at 12:20 pm

    YES!!! YES!!! Oh, the excitement!

  7. Brett Riley
    May 11, 2009 at 3:16 pm

    Seriously? That’s the best you guy’s got? I will so whoop both of your [butt]s in screaming the next time we get together. Write it down, and place your bets. BTW, I won’t be needing lunch that day, ’cause I plan on eating yours.

    • kylebaxter
      May 11, 2009 at 3:44 pm

      Hahaha, that wasn’t quite the best we had. Had we given our VERY best, we would not have been able to sleep in our own beds that night.

  8. James Hartman
    May 14, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    You look like Peter from Heroes in this video.

    • kylebaxter
      May 15, 2009 at 1:26 am

      Dang, that makes the second NBC character I’ve been told I look like. Take a look back at my Inspirational Video, and see if I don’t look like Bob the Trainer from “The Biggest Loser”. Spooky.

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