Home > Most Everything > Strive to Survive

Strive to Survive

This last weekend, Claire left to do a wedding photo shoot in Manhattan, KS (“The Little Apple”; the nickname should probably be “Why is New York Even Called ‘The Big Apple’?”)  This left me to my own devices, which is mostly foraging, growing a thin beard, and subsisting off of any food that can be dug from, scraped off, and picked out of surfaces around my home.  To date, I have consumed:

–6 ounces of burnt crumbs from the stove burners (which are very high in carbs; my blood sugar is off the charts)

–1.5 eggs worth of scrapings from the fridge, leaving me with a very small omelet

–Most depressing of all . . . Ramen Noodles (the literal Japanese translation is “The Noodles That Give you Diarrhea”.)

My G.I. tract (a religious pamphlet you give to Army guys) will never be the same.  I can only hope that my wife returns to me soon to cook me a decent meal and make sure I shave, because I have a 2 o’clock shadow.  God bless my wife for taking care of me these last 2 years (on June 2nd), making sure I do not survive solely on Ramen Noodles (Korean for “intestinal water”) and Totino’s Pizza Rolls (American for “colon grenades”).  Thus far, I have a net loss of weight, proving that I can eat vegetables without turning green and dying of “vegetitis”.  (“Vegetitis”; would make a great band name; also “Cauliflower Flu”.)

When Claire is out of town, my life changes entirely.  The cats even treat me differently.  I suppose I haven’t spoken of them for a while.  For those of you who are new to the “Kyle Baxter Project”, I have two cats.  One is named Louie:

img_0034

He’s the fat one.  Click HERE for the post that explains Louie.

I also have another, smaller cat named Rocco:

img_0043

He’s my “baby one”.  For more info, please CLICK HERE.

Worst of all I decided to stay up all night Saturday into Sunday.  I promise it made sense to me when I first thought to do it.  Now I’m kicking myself directly in the butt for even considering such a thing.  It’s my belief that for every hour you stay up beyond 24, you lose 5% of your soul.  I was just about a monster by the time I went to bed Sunday night.  And slept 12 hours.

Here are actual pictures of my experience staying awake.  As with anything I do on here, I document it and post it here for all to see (and lead me to much embarrassment).  If you watch carefully, you can see my soul slipping away.

11:00 PM–Everything’s going great!  I’m just updating my Twitter about how I plan on staying up all night, and how great of an idea it is.

photo-21

1:00 AM–Getting a little tired.  It’s two hours later, and 10% of my soul has leaked out onto my shirt.  I think a little club soda will get that out.

pre-exit

3:00 AM–After resting my eyes, 20% of my soul has evaporated and is trying to make a Taco Bell run.

soul-exit

5:00 AM–I’ve finally caught my second wind!  I feel very refreshed and obsolutely NOT tired at all!  I’m sure no one will able to tell I’ve been up all night (and lost 30% of my soul).

photo-5

9:00 PM–At the time of writing this post, 90% of my soul has left.  From what I gathered from the note it left me, it’s out buying new throw pillows at Target.  I hate when it does this.  Let me just rest my head on this comfortable-looking pillow. . .

photo-6

UPDATE–My wife has returned home to me, expecting the worst for my health.  She knew I would be a little dehydrated and malnourished, but she’s actively working to make me all better.

She’s making me return the pillows.

Advertisements
Categories: Most Everything
  1. Mr. Easy Living
    April 28, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    I guess this is why they say (insert comment about a wife taking care of her husband and how he can’t survive without her). hahaha

    • kylebaxter
      April 28, 2009 at 1:40 pm

      (insert comical reply)

      • kylebaxter
        April 28, 2009 at 1:41 pm

        Boy, that’s a whole lot easier than trying to think of things to say, haha.

  2. Mr. Easy Living
    April 29, 2009 at 11:09 am

    ya it is, I figure you can think of something more creative!

  3. Phil
    April 29, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    Another great post. I got some good belly laughs on this one.

  4. Phil
    April 29, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    Oh, and there is a such thing as a tract that they give Army guys, though I don’t think it is called a GI Tract (though it probably should be).

  1. No trackbacks yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: