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People Watching

**This is yet another wonderful video post!  I just wanted to remind everyone that if you enjoy these videos, please pass this post (or at least the videos on YouTube) on to everyone you know.  Thank you for your help!**

I admit it; I am a “People Watcher”.  I enjoy observing others in their natural habitat as they go about their daily business.  It would absolutely blow your mind to see what I see when I see it after what is seen has been seen by me when it was available to be seen.

Seen.

Anyway, people watching is best when you do not get caught doing it.  Unsuspecting people will go about their embarrassing business, all the while being viewed as complete deviants in society’s eyes.  It really brings joy to my heart.  I believe it will do the same for you.  As always, I’m here to let you live vicariously through my experiences.  It allows you all the rewards of my life without the risk of being viewed as a sociopath by the elderly, mental health professionals, and my mom.

In my line of work, you see a great many things.  Mostly, when I get home, I wish I could wash my eyes out with soap.  Industrial grade soap that can take the barnacles off an ocean liner.  I’ve made it my duty to document the things I’ve seen and present them in snack-size tidbits for your enjoyment.  Without further delay, here are the most interesting situations in which people watching is a must.

A Moment in Time

As all husbands know, there is a particular time when we all must go to the grocery store without our wives in order to help her in times of trouble.  As men, we are utterly helpless when it comes to shopping for our significant others.  This is very well spelled out in my previous post, Up to My Elbows in Tampons.  I supremely enjoy watching as men fumble through “that section” looking for the right product, all the while on the phone with an increasingly irritable spouse.  Join me as I spy on such a man wander about in befuddlement.

As you can see from the clip above, no man wants to be caught dead purchasing that kind of item.  However, I have caught him very much alive and ashamed.  God bless him for performing such a selfless act of bravery and disgrace.

Flipping Through the Pages of Time

It takes a big man to admit he enjoys a publication like Redbook, or to a less respectable extent, O Magazine.  It takes an even bigger man to watch the big man pick out his favorite magazine without laughing.  With a little luck, and non-squeaky shoes, you can view this specimen undetected.  Fully engrossed in feminine pursuits like recipe-hunting to looking for that perfect quilting pattern, you can pretty well approach this man with all the subtlety of a bulldozer and still maintain the element of surprise.  Let’s take a look!

No, Daniel.  No.

Underage and Overzealous

Let’s get straight to the point here.  Watching high schoolers try to beat the system of age restriction on beer is one of the bright spots in my otherwise mundane existence.  For some reason, underage kids think that acting natural when attempting to purchase alcoholic beverages will stop anyone from carding them.  I’ve noticed that if you can throw such offenders off their game, then they will subconsciously come clean before reaching the checkout.  It tickles me pink (more of a fuchsia really, but I won’t split hairs) every time I can make one of these kids twist in the wind like, well, some sort of kid-shaped windsock.  I’m out of similes, so sue me.  I’m like a simile machine that has run out of gasoline (“petrol” to my European audience).  Without any comparison, here’s another excerpt from my life.

I’ll bet I look that creepy in real life.  No wonder high schoolers are scared of me.

The Lesser of Two Evils

Some high schoolers cannot be shamed away from booze.  I do my best to sit back and observe, but I can’t always subtly deflect illicit behavior merely with my presence.  I hate to get involved.  When I put my foot down in a situation, just know I had no other choice.  Let’s check back on the same liquor section after hours . . .

I tried not to get involved.  I really did.  He left me no options, as you could very well see.

Not Making This Up

In retrospect, I need to maintain a better distance from my viewing subjects.  I’ve become so comfortable that I’ve lost all sense of boundaries.  I must remember to stand behind something that hides me better than in the past couple of videos.  I wasn’t using much imagination, I admit.  I promise to make better use of my surroundings in the near future.

If you are really lucky as a people watcher, you will stumble upon the rarest of opportunities: a man purchasing something for himself that he would rather you not know about.  I’d say more, but it would take away from the video directly below this sentence.

Consider your mind officially blown.

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  1. Kar Kar #2
    March 31, 2009 at 2:21 am

    ….

  2. steven
    March 31, 2009 at 8:36 am

    i saw them all and i headset to listen to them aaaaaaaaammmmmaaazzzziiiinnnnnggg

  3. Mr. Easy Living
    March 31, 2009 at 9:22 am

    That was awesome. Matt was great. That last one would not have been the same without him.

  4. Josh (#1 Fan)
    March 31, 2009 at 11:54 am

    You’re such a creep, Paul lol. These videos were a lot of fun to make! If you are ever in need of my acting assistance again, just let me know!

  5. Daniel
    March 31, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    And the Emmy goes to…..

  6. March 31, 2009 at 2:22 pm

    Creep.

    LOL @ Matt♥
    He’s Such A Funny…

  7. Phil
    March 31, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    You crack me up. It is amazing how many strange things happen every day at a grocery store.

  8. sociopathicfugitiveanonymous
    April 2, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    lol ive seen jsut about all of these…. ive also seen strange things like a 6 year old kid cussing out his mom, a baby that was obsessed with telling me no whist i stocked and a father taking what looked to be his first trip to the store alone with his 5 kids (you can just hear his wife snickering in the background “see its not that easy bill!”) poor guy. OOOOO and today a mother watched as her two kids pulled half the levers of the healthmarket bulk and stuffed their hands in the yogurt covered pretzels… wtf???

  9. Mr. President
    April 3, 2009 at 11:46 pm

    Very well Paul. You play a very good creepy guy. Very natural!

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