Home > Everything Else > Big Fashion

Big Fashion

(Yes, this one is heavy on the hyperlinks.  Click on them for a few extra giggles.)

If you are a large person, please do us all a favor, and do not wear tight clothes.  I’m not saying this for the reason you think I am.  I could care less whether or not you wear clothes that fit.  However, if you’re wearing a tight shirt that shows off your belly, many people will probably ask you, “When’s the baby due?”  You must realize by now that with how fashionable pregnancy has become, it is normal for only pregnant women to wear form-fitting clothes.  All other large people must wear mu-mus or choir robes.  (Yep, no question that those people are not pregnant.)

Recently, as you may have gathered from all the celebrity news, getting pregnant has become a really popular thing to do.  Famous people can hardly get any press unless it’s a headline like, “Is Reba pregnant?  Look at that baby bump!”, with the accompanying cartoon arrow pointing at her belly pooch.  I mean, if we can get excited about Reba getting pregnant, this must really be an epidemic.

Apparently, getting pregnant is so great that even kids in middle school are getting in on the fun now!  As I was watching the “Tyra Show” last night, (doesn’t everybody?) I was amazed by the stories of 13-year-old girls who wanted to have babies.  I can only imagine it’s because they wanted to be like their favorite teen idol (Reba).

Why do pregnant women wear their clothes tighter than before they got pregnant?  All the sudden, spandex becomes a viable option?  Do they think to themselves, “I wasn’t happy with my body before, and wouldn’t be caught dead in a form-fitting sweater.  Now that I’m as big as a Cessna, I want to show the world!”  Do they just want you to ask if they’re pregnant?  It’s like those Army guys who go everywhere in their camouflage. (“Have you been to Iraq?  Do you want a military discount?”)  Maybe it’s just that pregnant gals just want you to know they’re not just fat.  It’s like they’re saying, “Hey, don’t discriminate me because you think I’m overweight!  I’m pregnant!  Discriminate me based on that!”

What have we learned today?

–Fat people wear loose clothes, pregnant people wear tight clothes.

–If you’re a big person who wears tight clothes, fully expect to be asked, “When’s the baby due?”

Several conversations can take place when an innocent bystander approaches a large person wearing tight clothing.  Here are several examples.

Example 1:
Innocent: “When’s the baby due?”
Large Person: “March 15th!”
Innocent: “Oh, how exciting!”

Example 2:
Innocent: “Aw, when’s your baby due?”
Large Person: “Middle of April!  I’ve been doing pregnant yoga!  It’s so good for the baby, and it creates such a wonderful bond between mother and child!  At my birthing class, we . . . wait, where are you going?  I have stories!  Come back here, you insolent vagabond!”

Example 3:
Innocent: “When’s the baby due?”
Large Person: “What?”
Innocent: “The baby!  Oh, you must be so excited!
Large Person: “I’m not pregnant.”
Innocent: “That’s impossible!  You’re wearing ill-fitting clothes!”
Larger Person: “I’m a man.”

We can see here that just because someone is wearing form-fitting clothing, you cannot assume that she (or he) is pregnant.

I still can’t figure out, though, why getting pregnant is such a “cool thing to do” right now.  Does anyone have any other theories other than the “Reba Conspiracy”?  I mean, I’m almost certain that Reba has to be the reason for the boom in pregnancy (mostly in females) over the past 2 years.  Tell me if you believe otherwise.

Here’s a fun fact about pregnancy.  Originally, the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ smash hit, “Give It Away” was a plea for pregnant teens to consider adoption.

Advertisements
  1. Laura
    July 8, 2009 at 8:35 pm

    Wait i don’t get what you are saying…you are blaming Reba McEntire for teen pregnancy? Thats nonesense!

    • kylebaxter
      July 8, 2009 at 8:54 pm

      Hahaha, it’s meant to be nonsense. That’s the humor of it. Take a few minutes to read some other posts, and you’ll see the most outrageous allegations are meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Thanks for letting me clear that up!

      • Laura
        July 15, 2009 at 11:01 am

        Oh haha! thanks for clearing that up! LOL i always search for stuff on her so i was outraged lol I see what u mean now;)

      • kylebaxter
        July 15, 2009 at 3:46 pm

        Thanks for reading! I hope to have you check back occasionally for a good laugh or two.

  1. May 4, 2009 at 12:17 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: