Home > Most Everything > Your Guide to the Internet, Part 2

Your Guide to the Internet, Part 2

In case you missed Part 1, you can go back and catch up with the rest of the class by clicking here.

There, now doesn’t that feel better?

Now that we’re all familiar with the basics, let’s move on to specific terms:

Blog–Meaning “weblog”, it is a web page that the author uses to keep others updated about their personal life, business, and opinions.  Though there are many fine blogs out in cyberspace (https://kylebaxter.wordpress.com comes to mind), most blogs are sounding boards for people who don’t like President Bush.  On these “blogs”, you can leave “comments”, which relay information back to the author about your appreciation or displeasure about the content of the blog (now would be a great opportunity for you to practice by leaving lots of comments for me to peruse; I’m doing it for your learning benefit, after all).

Vlog–Meaning “video blog”, it serves the same function as a blog, except that the information is relayed primarily through video and sound.  A vlog is also commonly a misspelling of blog, being that the b and v keys are right next to one another.

Avatar–This is a user-created cartoonish representation of him or herself.  Typically, the avatar in real life would weigh approximately 92 pounds less than the user.  I have yet to see an obese avatar.  Even if they exist, I’m sure no one uses them.

Blavatar–An avatar that is used on a blog to represent the author.

Vlavatar–A 17th century Eastern European warlord.

RSS–Short for “Really Simple Subscription”, it is an Internet tool that sends an e-mail notification to the subscriber every time new content has been posted by the author of a website.  If you’ve never done this before, now is a great opportunity to become more Internet savvy.  Go to the right-hand side of the screen right now, find RSS, and click it.  Enter the appropriate information, and you will be able to receive updated information about your favorite blog.

Online Fantasy Football League–In this, you join a group of other team owners, and you draft a make-believe team of real NFL players.  Each week throughout the NFL season, your “team” plays another “team” from your league, and whoever’s team scores more points wins the game.  In order to not get lost in the massive world of fantasy football, you MUST create a team with an original and thoughtful name.  Since no one wants to give their team a name that makes it sound like it will lose every week, those names are very thoughtful and up for grabs.  I encourage you to use these kinds of team names.  Some names that have never been used  are “The Losers, “The Underdogs”, “The Throwbacks, or “The Chiefs”.

MMORPG–Also known as the mouthful of “Massively Multi-Player Online Role Playing Game”, this is where nerds go after they get off work.  It works basically like this: every person in the game has a character that he or she (everyone knows girls don’t like video games; they just like cooking and vacuuming) controls within an online world.  They all run about, battling orcs, collecting treasure, and asking one another “r u a girl? wanna im?”.  Of course, these are all pointless goals, as defeating orcs online will not yield any real prestige, collecting online treasure will produce no real bounty, and talking to a 40-year-old man pretending to be an 18-year-old girl will produce no opportunities at love.  Surely, this is an exercise in futility.

eBay–A website that allows users to buy and sell real goods or services to others around the world.  Many times, the items are purchased using an “online auction” system, which works just like a live auction.  In an online auction, as in a live auction, one bidder will place a base bid for an item, another bidder will bid above the first bidder, the first bidder will send a hateful e-mail to the second bidder, the second bidder will send a virus to the first bidder, thereby eliminating competition.  The item is won in two bids, every time.

Viral Video–A term reserved for videos that make their way quickly across the Internet and into the homes of unsuspecting families.  A great example of this is the “Leave Britney Alone” video that made its way across YouTube (I do not recommend its viewing, as the very sight of it will cause your eyes to boil in your head and leak out your ears).  Another, less popular, viral video is the “Daft Hands” video.  I encourage you to watch this.  It totally makes the song better.  Viral videos are rampant in the sports world, and as many times as I would like to see any assorted high school running back hurdle over a defender, I’m just not impressed any more.

Make sure to check back, because next post, we’ll be discussing Internet shorthand, emoticons, and Internet scams.  It’ll be the brightest spot in your day!  You won’t want to miss it!

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  1. December 16, 2008 at 11:55 am

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