Home > Most Everything > Your Guide to the Internet, Part 1

Your Guide to the Internet, Part 1

(Before we begin, let me fill you in on a few changes in the Kyle Baxter Project.  Because I received some feedback that my posts might be a bit too long for single-sitting consumption, I will be keeping them more brief for easier reading.  Therefore, you will be seeing more posts with an added “Part 1”, “Part 2”, etc.  I will do my best to remember to post links so you can more easily find past Parts at the beginning of subsequent Parts.  Enjoy these in their easy reading!)

As the world becomes increasingly technological, I’ve taken it upon myself to help guide you through all the common Internet terminology and jargon.  I want to start with the basics, of course, so we can all be on the same page when we get to the more confusing aspects of the Internet (like fantasy football and why people still use AOL for anything).

I’m going to be working with a lot with definitions, so try to keep pace.

Computer–A very advanced machine that can connect to other networks of computers and waits until you have typed a very long school paper without saving to crash.

Internet–A computer-based tool created by Al Gore for the distribution of information between YouTube and the rest of the world.

World-Wide Web–Another phrase similar to “Internet”, but this term fell out of usage several years back.  The only people to still use this term are Internet purists and my grandparents.

Website–This is where authors of Internet content make information available to people browsing the Web.  An overwhelming majority of websites are devoted exclusively to Facts about Chuck Norris.

Web Page–Though a website can consist of only one page (similar to a pamphlet or postcard), a website can also contain several or many distinct “pages” (like a book or several postcards stapled together).

Web Address–A unique Internet designation given to every website, similar to a street address.  For instance, if your business is located at “1501 Main Street”, you can rest assured that there is only one 1501 Main Street in the entire world.  Even France.

YouTube–A global Internet phenomenon wherein people can post videos of themselves, others, or infringe on copyrights of their favorite television shows at an astounding level.

MySpace–A social website where every member gets their own page, posts inappropriate pictures, and gets fired from their job for criticizing their employer.  This is also a great networking tool for local musicians who will remain in obscurity forever (it was so hard to find a band without 2 or 3 Matts in it).

Facebook–Similar to MySpace, Facebook is a more family-friendly social networking website devoted to keeping inappropriate pictures to a minimum.  Instead, Facebook opts to mostly feature pictures of high school and college-age children with an alcoholic beverage in their underage clutches.  Though it is yet unproven, it is my personal theory that Facebook automatically places comments from its users that say things like “I was so drrruuunnnkk!” or “omg i can’t believe i was so drrruuunnnkk!” to discourage alcoholism.  I just can’t imagine that people would choose to write something so inane.  That’s the heart of my theory.

Search Engine–Google.com and yahoo.com are obvious examples of search engines.  You simply go to the search engine’s website, type in something you’re wanting to find out more about, and click “search”!  It’s that simple!  Popular searches include “Barack Obama“, “Britney Spears weight gain“, and “MacGyver Theme Song“.

Instant Messaging–Also known as “IM”, Instant Messaging connects two Internet users together, allowing them to send messages to each other from across town or across the world.  The conversation usually goes something like this:

Sk8rdood: wat up

Creed4everfan: nm, u?

Sk8rdood: same

Creed4everfam: coo

Sk8rdood: ur sis is hot

Creed4everfan: i hate you

**Creed4everfan is offline**

**Creed4everfan is online**

Creed4everfan: wanna hang out

Sk8rdood: def

Creed4everfan: coo

And it goes on like this for six hours until it’s too late for either of these clods to actually go out, because they have school in the morning.

Virus–A malicious program created to disrupt the normal function of affected computers.  The disruption can be as harmless as causing the computer to shut down once, or as harmful as stealing personal information and transmitting it to a diabolical overlord known as “Creed4everfan”, who will use your credit card number to order pizza.  When you visit a website from any country other than the USA, your computer WILL get a virus.  It’s a known fact.  It’s just like visiting other countries in real life, only there is no shot to protect your computer from diarrhea (where all your credit card numbers leak out).

Next time, we’ll dig right in with more specific Internet terms.  See you there!

  1. A. Owen
    December 15, 2008 at 12:50 am

    Nice videos. I underestimated the creepiness there for a second. I look forward to reading more about this amazing thing we call the Intraweb (or was it World Wide Net?) Anyway, awesome blog. Keep it up!

    • kylebaxter
      December 15, 2008 at 10:44 am

      Yes, my creepiness is a force to be reckoned with. It’s kind of funny. I already have 90% of of Parts 2 and 3 written. I wrote it all in one sitting, and now I have to go back and break it up so it doesn’t get stale to people with short attention spans. Actually it’s kind of nice, because I can get more posts out of a single idea, and I won’t have to work as hard. I can just write one long post, break it up, and release it over several days. ha!

  1. December 15, 2008 at 12:47 pm
  2. December 16, 2008 at 11:54 am

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