Home > Most Everything > Fun Facts and Color Coded Mucus

Fun Facts and Color Coded Mucus

I always wonder what goes on inside my body.  How in the world do all my internal processes add up to my staying alive?  Breathing, digestion, cardiovascular this-and-that, etc.  That’s probably why I blow my nose in the shower.  Does anyone else do that?  It’s really the only time you can let loose and see the inner workings of your body.  It’s a bit like a litmus test.  The color of your mucus, they say, can tell you a lot about what’s going on in your body.  I even have a color-coded system that will explain what your mucus is trying to tell you:

Clear–Everything is a-ok!

Yellow–Better stock up on Airborne before those sniffles turn more serious!

Red–Get your finger out of your nose!

Gray–If you must pick your nose, don’t reach so far in that you’re scratching off the outside layer of your hypothalamus.

Green–Go to the doctor!  Why, oh why didn’t you take Airborne???  Oprah recommends it every year, for crying out loud!

Because I cannot get inspired enough to write a whole post about a single topic, I have simply compiled a list of little-known facts for you.  Enjoy!

–Windex, when ingested, will cause stomach pain, but will leave leave your colon with a streak-free shine.

–I have a single, large file folder in my filing cabinet.  It is labeled “Miscellaneous”.

–After spending $2.7 trillion on extensive census work, it has been undoubtedly proven that 99.999% of white people love grilled cheese sandwiches.

–The #1 preventable cause of birth defects is NASCAR.

–Before being called “Social Security”, the plan people used to provide for themselves in later years was called “saving your own money”.

–If you say the name “Dr. Phil” 3 times in succession, it will summon him.  He will put your personal shortcomings in Texas terms.  (i.e., “That cow’s gonna give sour milk”, “The real victims are these kids”, and “Your oil is up over $100 a barrel”)  You are better off to summon Beetlejuice or Barbara Walters.

–Midgets riding bikes are good for the environment.  What, you’ve never heard of “wee cycling”?

–Making the death penalty the punishment for every crime will eliminate recidivism.

–For 6 years running, East St. Louis has been named the Best City to Raise a Violent Street Gang.

–Disney movies are still meticulously and pain-stakingly hand-drawn.  By the devil.

–The real cause of global warming is the hot air that comes out of Al Gore.

–Astronaut Neil Armstrong is actually two children, one sitting on the other’s shoulders.

–Chuck Norris jokes have finally been proven to cause cancer, which of course is cured by antibodies in Chuck’s blood.  However, no one has been able to make him bleed.

–Stedman does not really exist.  He is just a creation of Oprah’s imagination.  But then again . . . we all are.

Now go out and get some Airborne before that mucus turns green!

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  1. November 19, 2008 at 12:49 am

    You are silly!

    Gross about the mucus part!
    Oprah talked about airborne yesterday. To me “airborne” sounds like a very contagious virus that get’s “airborne”??? what a terrible name for a vitamin drink. I don’t get it.

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